Not For Sale

A guest post from Mothers for Mother

Mothers for Mother (MfM) was a website started by disaffected La Leche League Leaders who could see that the LLLI Board was literally killing this venerable organisation by its insistence on using “a variety of terms” in place of mother. For 65 years LLL Leaders have provided mother to mother breastfeeding support at no cost to the many thousands of women who contact them every year. LLL has literally changed the course of breastfeeding history, but is in grave danger of losing its credibility as Board members alter policies (largely without consultation) to include men and erase women.

It was necessary for Mothers for Mother to be totally anonymous as no public criticism of LLL is ever allowed by Leaders. Leaders who complain (even in private League Facebook pages) are promptly bullied by gender woo warriors and threatened with being disaccredited. In the beginning, when MfM had a comments section, every Leader who commented was sanctioned/booted off committees or otherwise punished for their ‘insubordination’. Some Leaders are still fighting for their right to remain a Leader while at the same time holding gender critical views (AKA believing in facts and biology).

Because of the level of secrecy required to operate MfM, this website has been taken down. Reprinted with permission of the Mothers for Mother authors I am republishing a series of their posts as a form of archiving them for future readers who appreciate the sanity of those who believe in biological facts, over the thoughts of those who posit that nothing is more important than what they feel or believe about a made-up world of their choosing.

This was first published on March 19, 2022

Not For Sale

A baby cries. His mother reaches for him. She picks him up to nurse and often instinctively cradles him on her left arm, his head close to her heart, a habit also observed in non-human primate mothers. Her baby receives breastmilk and begins to understand that his physical and emotional needs will be met by staying close to his mother. The neural pathway in his brain that remembers this information begins to form—first as a faint footpath— and eventually as a clear and well-traveled road.

One of the ten La Leche League concepts reflects what mothers already know about attachment:

“In the early years the baby has an intense need to be with his mother which is as basic as his need for food.”

Decades of research support the fact that babies need to be with their mothers in what is called "the fourth trimester," the postpartum period. Brain research reveals that human babies are born too soon. "...A newborn’s nervous system and brain aren’t entirely developed at birth. It takes time for a baby to create those important synapses that help them master skills..."

A child learns to regulate his emotions initially through his mother. This neural connection developed from bonding is what psychiatrists refer to as "... limbic resonance—a symphony of mutual exchange and internal adaptation whereby two mammals become in tune with each other's inner states."

The effects of mother-baby attachment have long term consequences on a baby's cognitive and emotional development. Yet even though the outcomes of mother-baby attachment are well known, many babies are now being conceived and gestated through surrogacy, with the intention of immediately and permanently separating them from their mothers. “Surrogacy” is assisted reproduction where a woman agrees to carry and give birth to someone else's laboratory-conceived baby.

Surrogacy differs from adoption. Adoption is doing the best for a baby in difficult circumstances. Surrogacy is deliberately creating many of those same circumstances to satisfy adult desires, with no thought to the consequences for either the purchase (the baby) or the packaging (the pregnant woman). Adoption occurs when a baby needs a family, and surrogacy happens when a family wants a baby.

Couples wishing to overcome infertility, as well as those in a single-sex relationships, or others for reasons of convenience, may be attracted to surrogacy because it seems to promise a perfect solution. Why should a couple —desperately desiring to start a family— not investigate this option? When researching this possibility, the effects of surrogacy are not mentioned. The tragic side of surrogacy is that it causes suffering for both the hired mother and the baby who is being purchased. Even in the best of situations, surrogacy creates health risks and may cause long-term trauma for both women and babies.

One of the unspoken risks of surrogacy is that mothers have significant emotional attachment to the children they carry, which has been evolutionarily designed to ensure the survival of the baby. Mothers often suffer from grief after surrendering their babies to strangers.

"Surrogacy pregnancy should be considered as a high-risk emotional experience because many surrogate mothers may face negative experiences."

As with other measures that exploit female sexuality, surrogacy is unethical. Couples from affluent countries take advantage of poverty-stricken women in the developing world. This is a breach of human rights.

Surrogacy, much like slavery, exploits vulnerable women around the world. It is often the poorest of the poor who are coerced to do this work. The baby who has grown inside of a woman in her most intimate of spaces is treated as a commodity being sold. How many steps away is surrogacy from buying an organ from an impoverished woman?

According to Jennifer Lahl at the Center for Bioethics and Culture Network, “...Surrogacy is another form of the commodification of women’s bodies...and degrades a pregnancy to a service and a baby to a product.”

In addition to the ethical issues with surrogacy, women also are subject to physiological risks of pregnancy.

"...Surrogate moms face increased pregnancy risks that come with carrying multiple embryos, which are often used to ensure success. Multiple births come with an increased risk of Caesarean sections and longer hospital stays, according to the British Journal of Medicine as well as gestational diabetes, fetal growth restriction, pre-eclampsia, and premature birth. The drug, Lupron, which is used to transfer embryos, has also been documented to put surrogate women at risk for increased intracranial pressure."

Laws vary widely across the world on the legality of surrogacy. In the United States, there are no federal laws that govern it, though some states have restrictions. Canada has restricted surrogacy to altruistic (unpaid), rather than commercial purposes. In India, only resident married heterosexual couples with infertility problems are allowed to access altruistic surrogacy agreements. In Russia and the Ukraine, commercial surrogacy is legal. In Japan, there are no restrictions on it, but culturally it is stigmatized. Israel allows it with governmental approval. In the People's Republic of China, it is illegal but the practice of it is widespread.

The list of countries where surrogacy is illegal is not as protective of women as it may sound because there is always a loophole, always someone who will cater to those who can pay. There will always be a place to rent a womb and buy a baby.

The war in Ukraine is a clear example of the unanticipated dangers of surrogacy. In time of war, as is currently happening in Ukraine, surrogate mothers, themselves at risk for great harm, are not the only ones in jeopardy. Surrogate babies promised to affluent citizens from more prosperous countries have been rescued, with little or no regard for the safety of the surrogate mother. And what of the babies who don't make it across the border? They were born to women in poverty who did not plan to raise a baby. Who will care for the unclaimed babies when there is no family in place? Creating a baby who does not have an identity violates The UN Convention on the Rights of the Child. Every baby has a right to know his family, his name and where he came from.

In the past, LLL was known for being sensitive to other cultures' beliefs and practices. Sadly, this is no longer the case. Recently, LLL has engaged in mixing causes by promoting western concepts such as gender ideology and desexed language.

At the 2021 LLLI 65th Anniversary Conference, there was a presentation entitled: "Breastfeeding/Chestfeeding for the Non-Birthing Parent: Adoption, Surrogacy, LGBTQIA+ and More. Why does LLL support surrogacy when it is antithetical to breastfeeding?

How can LLLI support taking a baby away from his or her mother to give to strangers who are "renting a womb?" How can the organization not see how dehumanizing and anti-woman this type of relationship is?

Many surrogate mothers are referred to with phrases such as "our gestational carrier," thereby even denying a mother's basic humanity. The abrupt and permanent separation causes physiological and emotional trauma for both mothers and babies. The separation that is part of the surrogacy contract undermines breastfeeding and exploits women. This does not sound like the philosophy of an organization that believes in the "intense need" for a baby to be with his mother.

The strong mother-baby bond helps ensure the survival of humanity. Babies are not possessions to procure. Women are not wombs for rent. We are human beings. We are not for sale.