Private Spaces

Men are not women

Every human being on this planet has a sexed body. Every single one of us. We can dress this body in many ways, we can call ourselves by any terms we choose, we can hold any belief system that we dream up, but we cannot change the material reality of the body we were born with because this was determined at the specific moment that the sperm produced by our father managed to successfully penetrate the egg that initially developed inside the ovary of our mother when she was a fetus growing in the uterus of her mother.

The realities of our bodily existence are continually dealt with, and we make constant adaptations that we are not even aware of. Speaking generally, men and women (because we are a binary sexed species, these are the only two choices, even if some may use different terms), are not the same. Men tend to be larger (taller, heavier, larger body parts), while women are smaller (shorter, less muscled, smaller hands and feet).

Many of these differences do not fully emerge until puberty, which is also when secondary sex characteristics develop and become evident. Dress a seven year old and most will only know if they are speaking with a boy or a girl if they are told, but take the same child at seventeen and the boy will have a deeper voice, some ‘peach fuzz’ at least on his chin and much larger hands than his seventeen year old sister who will have a higher voice, visible breasts and a higher hip to waist ratio than she did aged seven.

In our culture men have long served as the default “person” or the model for “one size fits all”. This book outlines and explains how and why women are treated as default (and faulty) men in everything from town planning to drug trials.

Ever wonder why most of the acclaimed pianists of the world were/are men? Do women have less musical brains? Are they less dexterous than men? Nope and nope. The piano keyboard was designed by a man and men have bigger hand spans than women and the designer made what was comfortable for him to play on.  Hand span and the ability to play octaves count in playing piano and it’s easier for men to achieve this than it is for women, not because women are less musical, but because the instrument was designed for the other sex.

One thing that women totally ace is growing new humans and nourishing them until they can eat ‘regular’ food. The only contribution men can make to creating a mammal baby is one teeny tiny, vigorous and motile sperm. And once babies arrive, their mothers need to be fed and cared for, but if say a mother dies before her baby is weaned, no substitute that a man comes up with will do what breast milk and a mother’s care can accomplish. In fact, until relatively recently, if your mother died when you were a newborn, you were pretty much doomed too.

Men and women are not the same -- who knew?!

Besides the obvious physical differences and abilities between men and women, we don’t always think the same ways about the same things. Particularly when discussing equality, women and men can see this very differently.

I don’t need to make the case that we live in a patriarchal society. “Patriarchy is a system of relationships, beliefs, and values embedded in political, social, and economic systems that structure gender inequality between men and women. Attributes seen as ‘feminine’ or pertaining to women are undervalued, while attributes regarded as ‘masculine’ or pertaining to men are privileged. Patriarchal relations structure both the private and public spheres, ensuring that men dominate both.”

In a cultural context, the public sphere is where the free discussion and debate of ideas occurs, and the private sphere is the realm of family life. The phrase “a woman’s place is in the home” pretty much sums up this viewpoint.

I do not hold this belief and I totally support women to take on whatever occupations they choose to follow. The public sphere belongs to everyone, whatever sex, gender or identity they feel comfortable in.

However, in recent years, not content with their dominant role in the public sphere, some men have clearly decided that this is insufficient, so now they need to make some new rules for the private sphere too. What other rationale can there be for men to now be redefining themselves as women and taking over from us mere biological women? Somehow they seem to feel that “identifying as” is the same as being.

Women’s superpower is reproduction. It’s true that you can’t make a baby without that one wee sperm, but let’s face it, a sperm is a cheap and easy commodity when compared with an entire female organism and her incredibly complex hormonal and physiological system which is not in any way replaceable or artificially reproducible.

What other reason can there be for the wholesale takeover of so many previously women dominated birth, breastfeeding and women’s health organizations around the world? Why else would what was previously considered to be “women’s business”, now be the domain of men pretending to be women? And to a perhaps slightly lesser extent, of women pretending to be men (while at the same time holding onto their womanly prerogative of gestating and birthing babies).

Only girls become women, don’t they?

Dylan Mulvaney is right now at the height of his fifteen minutes of fame. He was a fairly unknown actor until the Covid lock downs ended this career. Coming out as trans over TikTok has been his claim to fame. His entire celebrity is his “Days of Girlhood” videos, which have been viewed over nine million times. I’m not sure if he really believes that his “brand” of girl will someday be a real woman or not, but at least not everyone appreciates his message.

I don’t know if he’s an old enough “girl” to be getting “his” period yet, but if he is, there is a treasure trove of advice out there from trans “women” who like to complain about what a bother periods are. Even though they haven’t got any of the required equipment needed for this physiological process (you know, like a uterus, ovaries, ripening eggs, etc.), well you can’t put a good “woman” down when it comes to trash talking That Time of the Month. What they don’t say is that any fluctuating emotions they are feeling are actually side effects of their HRT because male bodies aren’t designed to handle those hormones in these quantities.

Apparently, an essential item for girl mode

For those who want to elevate this to the next level, well what can one say except for thank God for tomato paste. As a decades long menstruator myself and as the mother of daughters, I can state that nothing that trickled onto a pad or tampon in our home looked even remotely like tomatoes in any form, but needs must as they say.

And for those men who disdain plant-based substitutes, pop on your frock and visit a public restroom where on a lucky day, you can find some real woman’s menstrual treasures in the bin that you can reuse at your leisure. Apparently there’s nothing quite like that squishy feeling of someone else’s uterine discharge nestled next to your penis. And blood isn’t all that can be absorbed ‘down there’; panty liners will soak up any random seminal leakage and save the embarrassment of a wet bulge in public.

What could be better than a pre-filled pad?

Hey, I want one of those too!

Uterine transplants are still a relatively new procedure; the first one was in 2013. Some women have successfully become pregnant and produced healthy babies using a transplanted uterus.  So far, these complex operations have only been performed on women, mostly those with medical conditions that mean they were born without a uterus. Because these women do have their ovaries and all the other structures that support pregnancy, gestating a baby is relatively straightforward.

But not to be left out, trans “women” are now demanding equal access to this very rare commodity. (Rare as these transplants can only be taken from deceased donors of the female sex or from women who are prepared to give up their uterus, with additional age restrictions.) So, more time is now being wasted on considering all the ramifications of men becoming pregnant, as if all one needs for this is a working uterus. Women are designed and programmed to cope with pregnancy. We have all the necessary ‘equipment’ built in and programmed, ready to go following conception. Men do not. They don’t have the brain programming, the hormonal structures or the physiology designed to nurture a fetus for one week, let alone for the 40 weeks of a normal term pregnancy. I rather doubt that a man would comply with the conditions that allowed a male rat to give birth to a whole 4% of implanted embryos.

Is this what men think a uterus looks like?

Furthermore, women have uterine transplantation in order to become mothers, not to enhance their performance art lifestyles as “women”. And as usual, there is almost no discussion of the impact of this on babies and no consideration that babies eventually grow into adults who may well question their origins. When men’s feelings are paramount, everything else fades into the background.

Note that the clinics talking about uterine transplants for men are often the same clinics that advertise that they will sterilize your child (and increase the chance of your daughter needing a hysterectomy in her 20s to cope with the unhealthy results of her “treatment” for a mental health condition).

And before we move on from maternity, hot off the press is the news that a committed group of women banded together to stop an ill thought out, expensive “trans inclusion training for midwives” by the UK NHS.  The research this “training” was based on was written by (you guessed it) a man pretending to be a woman who on his website “asserts that he is more attractive and confident than biological women”. Of course. When you consider what the NHS could do to support better care in birth and breastfeeding for the 99.9% of “birthing people” who are women (well actually that should be 100%, if “identity” isn’t a factor), with £100,000, one could weep.

If I can’t have the real thing, fake works too

Can’t find a surgeon to give you a uterus, but like the appearance of pregnancy? No problem, just blow some helium up your butt and you’re good to go!  Only you will know if your bloated belly is a growing fetus or a lot of hot air.

But as well as posting your pics on Pornhub, this could also be your entry into your local pregnant mothers’ support group. I mean if midwifery organizations are erasing women and mothers and pretending that biology is not real or important then as a transgendered person, you will fit right in. You can feel pregnant, even if you aren’t so you shouldn’t be denied the level of girl talk that pregnant women enjoy!

This one will never need feeding either!

The English proverb that “necessity is the mother of invention” really applies here. When you have had enough of your inflated belly, this next purchase will really come in handy. With a choice of color and sizes, all you need is some lube and a reasonable pain threshold and it’s all on! This might even be better than “real” birth because you have to stick it in before you can push it out. Beat that ladies! Fully washable, however big you want your ‘family’ to be you will be set with your initial purchase.

Mammal babies aren’t stupid; they know who their mothers are (and aren’t)

This lot know who their mother is.

Mammal babies know their mothers before they are born. After living inside their mothers for around 40 weeks (in humans; pregnancy lengths vary according to species), listening to all those sounds created by respiration, digestion and the ever-present heart beating; tasting and smelling what mother just ate and drank and exchanging cell matter, mothers and their babies are inextricably linked forever.

I have already written about the importance of the mother/baby dyad for normal development here and here.  I know it doesn’t fit the narrative of “I am who I say I am” but remember that babies have not read any philosophy books before they are born, and they have not been subjected to any social engineering either. In those first moments of extrauterine life, no baby’s first thought is “what gender am I?”, but rather, “where are you mama?”.

The mother/baby dyad is the foundational relationship for every person and so every society on the planet. There is no comparable substitute for this.

Yes, babies can survive without their mothers now, thanks to the wonders of modern medicine and the creation of tolerable artificial baby milks, but there is a difference between surviving and thriving. But as with many other things, does just because you can mean that you should?

La Leche League International now requires its volunteer mother Leaders to pledge to help trans “women” breastfeed if they are approached for this level of assistance. The annual Statement of Commitment It does this by committing Leaders to abide by all current policies, one of which is:

We at La Leche League International have all nursed our babies. If you want to do the same, whoever you are, whatever your story is, we’re here to help.

LLLI is committed to serving everyone inclusive of race, ethnicity, religion, sex [emphasis added], national origin, ancestry, age, marital status, physical or mental ability, socio-economic status, political views, gender identity, sexual orientation, family structure, or other protected status.

LLLI seeks the equitable accreditation of a diverse body of Leaders. (May 2018)

In an age when Leader numbers have been dropping precipitously for other factors (such as women routinely returning to paid employment and a general drop in volunteer numbers across many organizations), many Leaders have resigned over this policy; a typical resignation letter can be read here and here. Unfortunately, the response to any complaints or raising of concerns around this policy is met with complete denial by the LLLI Board. They state they are open to dialog, but I have read many letters written to Leaders that obfuscate the truth (“we’re not erasing mothers, we are just using a variety of terms in place of mother” is one stock response) and they claim that those of us who oppose the disruption of the mother/baby dyad are “misinformed”.

Feeding into the confusion is the instruction that Leaders are only required to help “everyone” who wants to breastfeed with their experience of the normal course of breastfeeding. After all, that is the entire basis for the volunteer mother to mother support that is at the heart of LLL. But there is no normal course of breastfeeding for male bodied people or for women who have had elective mastectomies to achieve a masculine appearance. You cannot breastfeed if you have had your glandular tissue removed.

For a more in-depth discussion of the effects of this policy on Leaders see here and here.

When wrongspeak spreads, facts are ignored

When LLL was formed in 1956, no one knew very much about breastfeeding. If you wanted to look at lactation-based research, you would be reading about dairy cows. “Modern” infant formulas were so “good”; who could be bothered with breastfeeding?

Six of the seven Founders of LLL in 1957

Fortunately, seven mothers from Illinois, USA could be. From their kitchen tables, a global colossus was born. La Leche League was founded on the concept of mother-to-mother help. Who needs a guy in a white coat when you have a motivated, experienced and knowledgeable mother supporting you? Who better to give assistance than someone who has already travelled that road?

Women in the early days of LLL were often ahead of the scientific community when it came to issues in breastfeeding. Breastfed babies need to feed far more frequently than those who are formula fed, but it took years before science could explain why. The scientific research that supports the LLL 10 Concepts had not been done or even started really in 1956, but “mothers’ intuition” was eventually proved correct in every instance that these concepts cover.

Now that LLL is pretending that breastfeeding is not a sexed activity, articles such as this and this are appearing, which undermines the credibility it took LLL decades to achieve.

The LLLI Board has also told Leaders that, “more research needs to be done in the field of male lactation”. This is quite a positional shift for an organization that was previously dedicated to the preservation of the breastfeeding relationship and its importance in optimizing the health of both babies and mothers.

Articles like this one are egregiously both ignoring important issues and rewriting facts as less important than some man’s feelings. No mother who had to supplement from Day 1 and ceased breastfeeding by the time her baby was six weeks old would get a headline celebrating her breastfeeding “success”. “Her” baby is misleading in the extreme. Yes, it is his baby as he was the sperm contributor, but from his baby’s point of view, he is a biological stranger. This baby was not bonded to him, but to her/his mother. They do not share a physiological relationship.

Further dangers lurk for the unwary in accepting the use of genderless language in breastfeeding policies and practices. During the last three years of dealing with Covid-19, most NICUs for premature and sick babies severely restricted visiting, which was understandably, very stressful for the family members of babies being cared for in these specialist units. The impact of restricting visitation to “parents” was profound.

No one is claiming that fathers are not important, but the importance of mothers in the NICU environment cannot be overstated. Only mothers can establish a breast milk supply and let’s be honest here, “parents” are not likely to be the full-time caregivers of those fragile babies when they are finally discharged home.

There is no avoiding the fact that birth and breastfeeding are sexed activities regardless of the identities of the participants. The impact of genderless (gender free/neutral) language on maternity care is thoroughly discussed here. See the Supplementary Files for specific examples of misleading or confusing language, including by groups such as LLL.

Perhaps organizations founded and run by women for the purpose of supporting women during the years they are making and feeding new human beings using their own bodies need to return to their roots and just focus on safeguarding the health and welfare of the only sex that can do this. There’s nothing to stop men (both the biological and would be ones) from forming their own groups that will actually serve their needs far better than usurping the ones that are tailored to the specific needs of women.

And before you leave, there’s more!

Not content with invading the previously private spaces of women around the exclusively female sexed pursuits of menstruation, pregnancy and breastfeeding, men today are discussing care for their newly feminized nether regions.  It is important to understand that the vast majority of trans “women” have no bottom surgery so retain their male genitalia of penis, scrotum and testicles. How else could all those trans identified male prisoners housed in women’s prisons sexually harass, rape and impregnate their fellow inmates?

But for that small minority of men who aspire to be women who have their penis turned inside out and shoved up between their legs, sorry, but we women have no tips to share on how to keep that area clean and tidy.  A recent study describing the microflora of the penile skin-lined neovagina of “transsexual women” revealed that they suffered from an average of 8.6 bacterial infections, including streptococcus anginosus, enterococcus faecalis and bacteroides ureolyticus.  Our vaginas, on the other hand, are self-cleaning; most of us actually have no real idea of just how the whole thing works, but one thing is for sure: your “neovagina” is nothing like our real one.

And last, spare a thought for those women, happy being women who married men, who appeared to be happy being men, but later change their minds. Trans widows are dealing with the ultimate in males invading the formerly private space of women: the woman in a heterosexual marriage. How must it feel to have made the choice to partner with the opposite sex, have children together, make life plans and have everything uprooted by someone who declares that you are not the only woman in this relationship?

Of course men belong in the private sphere, but not as pretend women

We have all come a long way from the 1950s, where both men and women were bound by strictly stereotyped roles. It is a wonderful thing that gender roles are now less important than ever, and we are all free to live more of a chosen life than at probably any past point in history.

Gender may be “fluid” and culturally derived, but sex is real and immutable. No surgery/drugs/hormones, etc. can alter who we are born as. You cannot find an “authentic” life in artifice at any price. And women are sick of paying the price that the belief in gender ideology imposes on us. In the same way that women are not faulty “non-men”, men cannot share the embodied realities of growing up as a girl, and developing into a woman who goes on to bear children that only she can optimally feed.

This is women’s private space and men are not invited.