All That Glitters is Not Gold…

And if it isn’t produced by a woman, it’s not breast milk

Have kit, can chestfeed? Credit: Marie-Claire Springham

So what’s this all about? As I usually write about women, I thought it was about time to give the penis havers some attention. All us people with a cervix know that it takes more to create a baby than a working uterus; you need at least one of those small gametes that only those pesky ejaculators produce as well. Yup, I guess it’s true that girls can’t do everything when it comes to reproduction because both bits of the binary are needed for this. No need for any spectrums here, the binary works just fine.

But once that baby is in our arms guys, you can back off. We’ve got this. Mammalian evolution guarantees that mothers are capable of feeding their babies without men having to get up during the night even once to feed their new offspring. Do women even need male support to breastfeed their babies?

Well, of course support from men/partners/wider society does play an important role in women’s ability to nurture their babies. If the only way you can feed yourself is to jump straight back to paid employment, then breastfeeding can be put on a scale that starts at problematic and ends as an impossibility. Some women have physically traumatic births that they need time to recover from. In some countries, you would get more time off work for needing to heal from the relatively minor op of having your appendix removed than you could expect to get for recovering from the major surgery of a cesarean section or a perineal tear that ripped through to your anus.

Knowing that someone loves you enough to let your only job be to feed your new baby is no small thing when it comes to fulfilling your plan to breastfeed; for some women it is the difference between breastfeeding success or failure.

This is not a win for anyone, except the usual profiteers

Back in 2018, a London based organization called Meaning-Centred Design Awards, created a competition “to recognize those pioneering designs that radically innovate what things mean to consumers and markets”.

On the short list was a so-called great idea:  a chestfeeding kit for new fathers designed to mimic breastfeeding for males (except it’s clear that mimicking is not the end goal because male lactation is what is being supported and promoted).

Central Saint Martins (University of the Arts, London) product design graduate Marie-Claire Springham has invented a kit that is meant to enable fathers to lactate so that they can share breastfeeding duties. (As an aside that I couldn’t resist, another graduate has invented sex toys for cows.)

Sigh. When confronted by the levels of ignorance around the intricate physiological relationship between a mother and her breastfeeding baby, where does one even make a start in pointing out the flaws?

When Ms. Springham was interviewed, she stated that she had invented this kit “primarily as an empathy tool” after reading so many stories from men who (with their female partners) brought their babies home from the hospital, “prepared to be super-Dad”, but were thwarted by their babies (totally normal) preference for their mothers who smelled of breast milk. Clearly, she viewed this as somehow not fair to men. She stated that the main trigger for postpartum depression in men is a feeling of being left out (while according to her the main problem for women is the struggle to breastfeed).

It hardly needs stating that male anatomy and physiology is not designed or suited for lactation. Males who have spontaneously produced milk have done this in response to pituitary tumors or extreme starvation, which kind of indicates that male breasts not lactating is their default state.

Women are just the opposite. Their entire being has evolved to guarantee the survival of the next generation, with breastfeeding being the natural next step in the reproductive cycle that starts with ovulation, progresses through conception, pregnancy and birth. One of the heartbreaks of a second trimester miscarriage is your milk “coming in” to feed a baby who has died. And for those who choose to not breastfeed, ovulation recommences immediately as your hormonal system assumes your baby did not survive and so you are ready to try again. Lactational amenorrhea is a form of contraception that used correctly is between 98 and 99% effective, but it is entirely dependent on the mother breastfeeding, which is another indicator that breastfeeding is a physiological expectation following the birth of a baby.

So, what’s in this dad’s chestfeeding kit? Two drugs that are prescription only (progestin which is an artificial form of natural progesterone and domperidone, which is used to help mothers with supply issues, but not in the USA where it is banned for this use), a specially designed breast pump (for male chest shapes) and a compression vest, which is supposed to act as the male equivalent to a maternity bra. In a nod to the importance of oxytocin to breastfeeding, Ms. Springham assumes that the combination of drugs and holding a baby will create enough oxytocin to kick start the letdown reflex to work. And while it’s true that holding a baby will stimulate nearly every adult on the planet to get a rush of this feel-good hormone, male levels never reach female levels in any circumstances at all, ever.

This kit can’t be used as a sort of afterthought either because according to the instructions, men need to start messing with their hormones the minute they learn their partner is pregnant. It is assumed that men will be working on this for the entire nine months of pregnancy (overlooking the fact that most pregnancies are unplanned, so knowing you are pregnant right from the start is unusual). Although a testosterone drop is normal in expectant dads, who knows what the effects of artificially bumping up the progesterone levels in men will do to their overall health? Some of the already known effects are depression, fatigue, heart conditions, prostate inflammation and erectile dysfunction.

We already have the research that demonstrates the harms that can occur in both men and women who take high doses of hormones their bodies are ill-equipped to deal with because these are the foundation of the “trans” treatment protocols.

And anyone who thinks a manual breast pump is going to cut it for the degree of breast stimulation needed to induce lactation in a (male) body that has never been pregnant is quite frankly, bonkers.

My biggest objection to this whole concept though, is not around the foolishness of trying to force bodies to do something that is foreign to them. My irritation is the inherent misogyny embedded in the thought that rather than restructuring societies to actually support women to breastfeed their babies, a better solution is for men to just do this instead. In a newspaper interview, Ms. Springham was quoted as saying she had created, “something that could really help when a mum was struggling to breastfeed and could help a dad be of practical use.”

Perhaps she could explain exactly how mothers who are struggling will feel better if someone else takes over doing the one thing that many women expect to be able to do effortlessly, but often do struggle with because our culture sets us up for failure? Think about the last thing that you struggled to do and eventually mastered. Did you get there by someone else doing it for you? No, neither did I.

If dads want to be “of practical use” during the first year or so after having a baby, I have a whole list of actual help they can offer that don’t include feeding the baby. Dads, just be patient because your time will come. You do have a vital role to play in the healthy development of your new child, but really just get over yourself if you need to prove your bona fide ‘dad creds’ by pretending to “chestfeed”. Men and women have complimentary roles in creating a family and your baby is not interested in your commitment to gender free parenting.

Lactation as a sexual fetish and affirming the delusion of womanhood

There is an ever-growing cohort of men who literally get off on some bit of breastfeeding and or breast milk. Lactophilia is a thing, really. There are many aspects to this sexual fetish, which are well beyond the scope of this post, and I am not talking about the forms that only involve consenting adults. There is a large and growing number of natal males identifying as women who find that just pretending to be a woman is not enough to satisfy them so have a need to incorporate babies into their sex lives. Somehow “breastfeeding” is some sort of proof of their true womanly status. The baby is just a prop and a means to this end.

When you talk to women about why they chose to breastfeed their babies, the most common responses are something along the lines of, “because it’s the best thing for my baby”, “I want my baby to have the best possible start” and “it’s the natural way to feed my baby”. Even though breastfeeding confers many benefits to the overall and long-term health of women, that’s not what mothers focus on. They understand that breastfeeding is for the baby and are willing to make many major lifestyle adjustments to accomplish their breastfeeding goals. They put the needs of their babies over the inconvenience that breastfeeding can create for women who live in cultures where often the only work that is valued takes place outside the home and has financial compensation attached.

Men’s motivation to “breastfeed” someone else’s baby (the most a man can be is sperm donor; there is no physiological connection between a newborn baby and any man), has nothing to do with the baby; it’s all me, myself and I. Fundamental to creating a successful breastfeeding relationship is protection of the mother/baby dyad so any man who is attempting to lactate for the purpose of feeding a baby is happy to interrupt this to meet his own desires.

This needs to be stated clearly: a man attempting to breastfeed is harming a baby and mother simply by coming between the mother and her baby dyad, which is vital for long term optimal health (for both members of a breastfeeding pair) and irreplaceable in those early weeks of a baby’s life.

The fact that men’s motivation is all about themselves is obvious; every research paper and news story always contains at least a sentence that confirms the real purpose of the motivation that drives them.

This study states: “For transgender women and nonbinary people on estrogen-based, gender-affirming hormone therapy, the ability to nourish their infants through production of their own milk may also be a profoundly gender-affirming experience.” (Emphasis added) This study declares that breastfeeding is part of “reproductive rights and access [that] are emerging as significant issues in the care of trans and gender non-conforming people”. No comment on the rights of babies to be breastfed by the bodies they expect to find once they are born.

“one of the most affirming things I can do”

This man was really upfront about how breastfeeding made him feel. The first time he put his baby to his breast, he said he had strong feelings coursing through his body, “And yeah, I kind of got off on it. Don't judge.”

He goes onto say, “Lactating changed how I saw my body. Having breasts was great, but using them to feed another human being? That was magic. Specifically, it was mom magic. I might have been my daughter's sperm donor, but breastfeeding was how I knew I was going to be a mom. It validated my womanhood as much as any surgery ever could.”

It also may need pointing out to say that NONE of the men I have read about would be considered a “success” at breastfeeding if the same standards were applied to them as we apply to women. A woman who quit breastfeeding by the time her baby is six weeks old would be asking herself if she had failed as a breastfeeding mother. A woman who had to supplement with formula from the start would feel that she was “not enough” for her baby.

For a comprehensive analysis of why we should not be supporting men to breastfeed, this article is worth your time.

Feel free to ask mothers’ (sorry, parents’) groups why supporting men to breastfeed is now a priority

Hey, who says you need a human at all?

This may make something, but it’s not very cuddly

A few months ago, we treated ourselves to a Burger King hamburger for lunch. Except the woman who took our drive through order was clearly an English as a second language speaker and misheard our order. From the first bite, I knew this was not what I’d ordered; it was really yuck. Checking the receipt, I saw that we were not eating beef that had once been a cow, no, we were eating “beef” that had been grown in a lab. As a blind taste test, this was an epic fail for lab grown food. I am not disparaging those out there who think that this is a great idea, for the planet or cows or well, any reason actually. But it is false advertising to call it meat, when it was never part of any animal, but emerged from chemical reactions in a lab.

Now there’s another new way to pretend that women and mothers are well, really surplus to requirement because a lot of money is being put into “human milk” production that doesn’t involve any humans at all, except for the boffins in white coats getting paid to produce products that will be used in medical experimentation on real babies. Because feeding babies anything other than the milk produced by their mothers is experimentation.

The entire history of bovine derived artificial baby milks is one giant global experiment that has had literally millions of casualties so far. Health claims by infant formula corporations have been found to be consistently overblown and inaccurate. The fact that so many babies survive being fed artificial baby milks is a testament to the innate hardiness of humans, not a reason why women should be sabotaged to not breastfeed their babies. How babies are fed is not about making a lifestyle choice, but many women are funneled into formula feeding by failures in society that mean that breastfeeding is too difficult to achieve.

One of the many start up companies created to save women from ourselves by doing the hard work of creating human milk in a lab is Biomilq. This company was started by a woman who had, you guessed it, trouble with breastfeeding her baby. So far, Biomilq has been given millions of dollars by the Bill Gates Foundation and others, but this is not the only venture competing for future consumer dollars. Based in the USA, Biomilq faces competitors based in Singapore and elsewhere. If you want to read a comprehensive overview of the financial maneuverings and the tactics behind infant formulas of every ilk, this author writes compelling about how profits trump human well being every time.

The latest Biomilq email (which I tellingly note uses a baby bottle as part of its logo), was disturbing.

The Edison Awards, which “honor impactful innovators and business leaders creating world-changing technologies” recently awarded Biomilq a bronze award for their cell grown “breast milk”. Wouldn’t a healthier world changing step be to support mothers to breastfeed their babies (that, ahem, requires no technology)? No, there’s not enough money in that, which is actually the real problem. Who profits from protecting the mother/baby dyad, which is the foundational relationship for every other relationship that follows?

Maybe we need to realize that there is only money to be made in dysfunction at every level; it’s hard to turn a profit from healthy relationships and interactions.

Biomilq’s second great announcement was around postpartum depression (PPD) in new mothers. The first part of this article does not mention breastfeeding at all (but does link higher levels of PPD to the recent US formula shortage). When it finally does mention breastfeeding as a factor this is after discussing new parenthood in terms that make it sound unlikely that anyone survives this normal life stage unscathed (a bit like the trans lobbyists who make puberty sound like something that children need to be rescued from).

I am not downplaying the emotional and physical roller coaster that new motherhood can be, but if you want accurate information on new mothers and depression, please go to Kathleen Kendall-Tackett, not Biomilq for accurate and unbiased information. Research is clear that breastfeeding is a factor in alleviating PPD and in fact only gets worse in mothers who intended to breastfeed, but gave up. So if companies really want to improve maternal mental health, they would be better to put their efforts into helping mothers breastfeed, rather than plying them with breast milk substitutes that are inferior to the real thing (that only mothers can make).

I do give Biomilq credit for criticizing the American attitude to paid (or any) maternity leave, which is the main factor in many aspects of maternal and infant morbidity and why many US statistics around this are so appalling.

But anyone who thinks that struggling to breastfeed will be magically fixed by “breast milk” grown in a tank, is wrong. The difficulties experienced by First World mothers in initiating and maintaining breastfeeding are not papered over by giving a baby something else in a bottle. When a bit of “something else” may be needed as part of a short-term solution to off-set a problem that was inevitably caused by our current culture and maternity systems, mothers know the difference and feel the pain of not living up to their own expectations.

There is only one way to make breast milk for babies. That is inside an Adult Human Female’s breast. It requires no technology, no extra work on her part and no male input. Except for the love and support that most partners/dads so willingly give to the mothers of their beloved children.